My Wife Just Called Me Edward!
by RooRooBug
Summary: Have you ever wondered what's running through a husbands mind when his wife tells him she's reading the Twilight saga? "Will she start calling me Edward?" "When will she stop buying this stuff?" "Who the heck is Jacob?" "Will the madness ever end!"
1. Entry 1

** This is based off what I observed from when my parents and some of my friends parents during their Twilight Saga days. Ah good times...**

**I don't own any of the Twilight things but I do own my parents names and everything else =p It's short, but it's a guys journal! Give me a break...**

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**MANLY SURVIVAL JOURNAL ENTRY 1**

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Today is the day Michelle's book group/club thingy started THE DREADED BOOK!

My buddy Brad said that when his wife started it she became a whole new person. She was crazied and obsessed with some sparkly farie type guy. She started buying shirts, pins, bags, lip gloss, earings… Oh that poor mans football funds!

*gasp*

What if Michelle turns into one of those lunatics! What will I do? Where's a safe place I can put my money? I wonder if I can stay with Brad for a while- NO! Pull it together man! You need to face her like a man. Besides this is Michelle we're talking about. Yeah… Wait a minute! This is Michelle we're talking about! AHHHHH! It's a romance too right? She loves those, I think! That reminds me I really like nachos… I wonder what's on NBC tonight?

Whoa! Hold on. What was I writing about? Oh yeah, THE BOOK. Right now Michelle's reading on that long comfy thing, what's that called? Oh! The 'sofa'… so cliché…

No obvious signs of obsessions visible yet. I'm guessing that's a good thing.

It is a good thing, right?.

**-THIS IS COUCH POTATO SIGNING OFF!**

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***COMMENT PLEASE! SUGGESTIONS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME! =D**


	2. Entry 2

**Remember that this is a guys journal so some things may not make sense and it is short! ENJOY! And I don't own any of the Twilight stuff...**

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**Manly Survival Journal 2**

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So far so good. Nothing overly dramatic has happened, luckily. She's half way through 'it'. If she keeps this up we'll all get through this nice and easy.

The only 'thing' she owns of 'it' is a simple bookmark and a book group/club magnet.

I can live with that.

I found out the name of 'The Book That Shall Not Be Named'. It's called (whispers) Twlight. DUH, DUN, DUHN! Even the name send chills up my spine.

So, last night I couldn't sleep. When I rolled over there 'it' was. Just lying there on the bed side table. Beckoning for me to just take one mini peek inside it. I might have read the first chapter. Alright, maybe the 2nd chapter too, and the back… but that was all! It was just to tempting! I have to admit though it was…OK. On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd give it a, 4... Yeah, a 4.

If the guys at the office found out I would just die. So, that's why I wore a pair of gloves and a ski mask to protect my Identity, ID (that's the same thing isn't it), and Reputation!

I'm so awsome!

**-COUCH POTATO OUT!**

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**Please comment! SUGGESTION ARE WELCOME!**


	3. Entry 3

**This is where things really take a twist. =o I don't own any of the twilight things, just everything else! =)**

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**Manly Survival Journal Entry 3**

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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! There is no way I am going! NO! You can't make me! Michelle just got invited to a Twilight fair! Who comes up with a Twilight fair! Nobody in their right mind, that's who!

Here's the worst part, the husbands are invited! AHHHHHH! I can't handle this! What am I suppose to do in a building full of crazed women and their husbands who's reputations are ruined!

What if the guys at work see me. OH NO! Wait a second why would the guys be their… unless their own wives were dragging them to it themselves!

(light bulb over the head) MWAHAHAHA! I need to make some calls…snacks…clean shirt… UGH! This is going to take forever! I know! I'll make a check list just like Michelle does, but for fun!

**Manly Survival Check List!**

**1**: Tell Michelle that I would LOVE to go…

**2**:Eat some chips

**3**: Call every guy I know including the dog.

**4**: Watch TV

**5:** Gather water balloons

**6**:Pick up the kids from school, UGH…

**7**: Get toilet paper…MWAHAHA!

**8**: Give Michelle my laundry.

**9**:SLEEP!

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**PLEASE COMMENT! =)**


	4. Entry 4

**Hey people! Sorry it took me so long! But here it is! (yes i know its short, sorry)**

**Thanks for all the people who have reviewed, alerted, and even added this story to their favs! THANK YOU! YOU MAKE ME WANT TO WRITE MORE! if only i had the time, sigh... =)**

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Entry 4

So things didn't really turn out well at the Twilight fair. I didn't really do anything _THAT_ bad. I only tepeed the whole outside, questioned all the Twilight characters, and might have dropped a couple hairs in the punch bowl and blamed it on the Jacob guy.

It's not a big deal! Lots of guys were cheering me on and most helped me, until their wives yelled at them. (COWARDS!) So what if we got banded from the Expo Center and got a restraining order from Stephanie Meyer who is actually very, very nice.

The worst part is that Michelle has officially shunned me. I've heard other guys talk about being thrown out or get cut off from the TV and games, but they say that the absolute worst thing that a women can do to you is shun you. And they were right! SO right! I feel horrible! I don't know what she wants and when I ask her she simply shrugs and says 'hmph." Just like that! Ugh, why are women so ignorant!

I have to find a way out of this torture!

-Couch Potato out!

PS: I read chapters 4-6! EEEEKKK! These little midnight readings of mine are becoming a regular thing. I actually look forward to them!

Wait a minute! What's wrong with me?

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**I hope you liked it! REVIEW IT NOW! (Remember it's nice to be nice) ;)**


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